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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Pot Roast And All The Gravy

It’s that time of year for me when cabin fever sets in hard, and I begin to question my own self worth, what I’ve done for society and what I can be proud of. A girlfriend of mine said it best, “I’m having a pity party and you’re NOT invited!”   This is not a “pity” party so you can keep reading!  It’s just a “am I normal” party and yes you are invited! 
I have been looking for a part time job in town to get out of these four walls and change up the daily routine that has become so very mundane! I’ve filled out an application and made up a resume.  That resume was a hard slap on my ego.  To me, it pretty much said I have nothing to offer your company in the way of skills....but I can make a mean pot roast and some kick ass gravy if you’re interested.  I can fold laundry like a machine and sometimes put it away, clean a toilet in 35 seconds flat all while texting and saving the world’s problems with one phone conversation with my sister down the street!   The world is in economic crisis and I say get some coupons people, get some coupons!
My life skills have grown yet my working, technical skills have not.  My work experience ended 8 years ago, and that makes me feel like I’ve been lost by society with no T4 to hand in. I have filled my time with raising my family, building a comfortable life with my husband and surviving all that life has decided to throw my way.  And yet I STILL question what have I done to deserve this happy life?  But to an employer that reads....Wow you’ve been at home in your pj’s blogging, how great for you.  But you don’t have anything on paper to offer.
My kids are my greatest accomplishment no question. And I know what I’m doing staying home with them is a blessing, that goes without saying. I have no certificates to hang on the wall, but I have two girls that I can bring with me everywhere and display proudly as they hang off the grocery cart whining that they want to go home or they want candy!  Two girls that will fight freely in public over who is the smartest and who is the tallest, and freely tell me in public how much they love me once I’ve given into the candy scream.( No it’s not that bad, I love them to no end whether they are good or bad and they make me proud with each passing day that there was no monumental meltdown!)
When my husband comes home he has news from his day in the outside world and it’s interesting.  He asks me how was your day, and it’s the same answer...good.  Elise and I colored, we made bread, we played Little People.  Then she got bored and I did laundry, cleaned this that and the other and I’m going to do it all again tomorrow.  I made a decision on supper and actually managed to shower.  I did my hair and put on some make-up, to which I was asked, “Why do you look so fancy today?” Reiterating the fact that I am in a really bad rut! 
Cabin fever has set in the same time every year for me.  This winter has not been a good one, so cold and rotten and I’m ready for spring.  A new season, some fresh air and a fresh perspective.  No need to send out the cavalry, I’m not going to do anything drastic.  Just hoping the phone rings soon and the news will be, “You’re hired.”  And the day I actually bring home a pay cheque, will make me feel like I’ve contributed, as the government can start freely stealing money from me once again.  And to celebrate I’ll make a pot roast with lots of gravy, and finally be proud of every bite and think to myself, “Damn you’re good.”