That's Another One For Therapy

As parents we do our very best to ensure our kids have a memorable childhood, one that makes them feel fulfilled in their adult lives. One that they can be proud of and want to bring their significant others home to meet us, and hopefully keep them out of weekly therapy sessions where they will blame us for everything gone wrong. In the 6 short years that I have been a mother, I KNOW I have already contributed to some of those sessions. I won't tell you about ALL of them, you don't have that kind of time, and you may question my ability to keep raising these girls, so I can just touch on a few recent ones.

For some reason Emma has had a rough time sleeping through the night last week, and she woke up at least 3 times to come and tell me about it. The first time I was still awake, so it wasn't so bad. She'd had a dream that a giant marshmallow came to sleep with her and she was scared by that. I let her cuddle with me in bed for a bit and off we went to put her back to sleep with wishes of pleasant dreams of princesses and chocolate. (handled that one pretty good-pat, pat on the back)

Until the next night.....

It was about 2 or 3 in the morning, I am sleeping away, dreaming of princesses,( or maybe princes) and chocolate, I suddenly feel like someone is watching me so I open one eye, slowly.

"GASP!"

I jump right up trying to get my heart back out of my throat, and to breath so I don't bring on a stroke! Emma is standing right at my face, staring, hands crossed in front of her, not saying a word. She looked just like that girl from the movie The Ring, you know the one that crawls out of the well. Yeah, so not only am I trying not to have a stroke I'm trying not to pee myself, or hit my kid in "self-defence"!

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, don't sneak up on me like that, I just about punched you in the face!" (good one Catharine....)

"I mean, what's wrong, why are you up?"

Tears start now, (yup, good one) "I had a bad dream and now you said you were gonna punch me in the face!" WWHHHHHAAAAAAAA.......... (oh geez......)

"NO, NO, NO.....I didn't mean that, you just scared me because I was sleeping and didn't expect you there! Sorry Emma......What was your dream about?"

"My shoe broke and a train went by me really fast."

"Did the train hit you?"

"NO! Could it hit me?!!!" (oh geez.....) Nice. Now I'm adding to it.....

"Okay well the good news is you woke up, now for even better news, I'll put you back to bed and you can dream of princesses and chocolate. And next time you need to wake me up, maybe announce yourself softly and poke me in the arm instead of just staring at me, and hopefully you won't get hurt."

"Okay."

I tried my best to go back to sleep but all I could think of is when she goes to school she 's going to tell her teacher that I was going to punch her in the face!!!! And then how about the time when she asked if she could eat lunch and I said, "Hang on, I'm checking Facebook!" Great, now her teacher thinks I don't feed her, because I am addicted to social networking. Or when I was brushing her hair in a hurry and it was being pulled and she cried and said, "Stop brushing so fast Mommy you're hurting my feelings." And I said, "Seriously? Get used to it, being a girl is hard!" I'm surprised I haven't been called in to have a "meeting" at school to see how things are going at home!

I know I'm not alone, and as much as we make mistakes that may lead them to a therapist we won't be far behind in our own sessions or just simply self medicating for things they've said and done to us.

I have two favourites so far.... when Emma was about 3ish, we were at the video store in town and she was over looking at the movie covers in the comedy section, when she comes across a picture of a woman's cleavage, it was rather large yet clothed and she yells, "Hey Mom! Check out the nipples on her!" Clear as day, and EVERYONE heard. (sigh). And another is when my girlfriend was out with her nine year old son and we were watching a stand up comedy DVD and the comedian says the word "sex", and without missing a beat her son says, "Hey mom, that's what you need to do with Dad!" She tried her best to shush him, but I am not mature enough to just ignore that, and so I pretty much lost it with laughter, and snorts and tears!

I pray my moments in lack of judgement don't have a permanent impact on my kids little minds, and that they come out of their childhood productive members of society. And I pray that I come out of raising them, sober, and with many, many blog entries to read at their weddings!

What Do You Want For Your Birthday?

My birthday is coming up, again, seems to always show up the same time every year even when I least expect it. Emma is excited for it, only because it is another birthday she can tick off the calendar until it is her own! She asked me what I wanted for a gift, and I told her I didn't need anything, now that I have my laptop, oh and two little girls that fill my heart with pride and joy and some days a little bit of stress, and of course my loving husband that paid for that laptop!

Seems as though that explanation was way over her little head, so walked away with a furrowed brow, and said, "Well you think about it a little longer and let me know, okay?"

And so I did think about it. I've had 5 birthdays come and go now without my morning phone call from my Dad. He always called first thing in the morning no matter where he was, to wish me a "Happy Birthday" and tell me that he loved me. Some years it was pretty early, and I may have not appreciated the gesture as much as I do now. So I wonder if anyone working for cell phone companies could check with their IT departments and see if there is a signal strong enough to dial 1-800-MISS-UDAD!

I would also love to have another lunch date with him and share an ice cream cake! We both thought the invention of the DQ ice cream cake was the best invention EVER! But boy would he agree that the newest best invention ever are Skor Bites!

Two birthday requests that I'm sure Wal-Mart or Best Buy don't have in stock quite yet, so I'll settle for the awesome memories of birthdays past, and a thankful heart, for my family and friends that love me, encourage me, and feed me cheesecake every now and then!

I am learning every year, that yes, life does go on when we lose someone special, either to be with God, or they've taken a different path in their own life that may lead them out of ours. And that it is okay to move forward without them. They are not physically beside you, but always in your thoughts and only as far away as your best memory together. That being said, as much as I miss you, Daddy, with every breath that I take , and every birthday that you're not on the other end of the phone, know that my tears turn to smiles with every phone call I receive from people with wishes of a "Happy Birthday!" Because of you that simple gesture is the best birthday gift of all.

Happy Birthday to you Daddy and Happy Birthday to me, we'll meet again one day to have that lunch and share that cake, but in the mean time, see if you can check with God's IT Department to hook you up on Facebook, or just Google it!

A New Religous Experience

Emma has been asking us about church lately and we thought that Easter would be a good time to introduce her to the whole experience. I made the suggestion that we should go with Corey's dad since he has been following a new path in his life and has asked us to join him a few times. Corey made the call to find out where and what time we should meet him. I thought that he was still going to the same church as he started out at which was one that I would have been familiar with from my own religious upbringing. Turns out that he has gone back to his Catholic roots and has found a church right close to his home, and that mass starts at 8:30 am! Hmmmm......okay well, that means get the kids up and dressed and out of the house by 7:15 am....on a Sunday.....uhh....maybe we bit off more than we could chew! I thought about changing my mind but, if Jesus could go through his own personal torture and die for my sins, I guess I can get my family to church to say thanks!

The morning rush to get everyone ready went so smooth, we were in the truck and on the highway 10 minutes ahead of schedule! So far so good, God really wants us there! Yay! We pick up Herb and off we go! The girls looked great in their new handmade dresses from their Great Aunty Jayne, Herb in his suit, and Corey and I cleaned up pretty good too! As we get closer to the building my heart starts to race with anticipation of going into the unknown. I have never been to an actual Sunday mass, as I am not Catholic, only been present for a wedding or two, and two graduations.

We were greeted with a friendly smile and a big Welcome from a lady, we marched behind Herb into the sanctuary. So far so good, we made it in the building, and God didn't make the earth shake, he must be okay with the fact we are here! We find a pew at the back and get the girls all set up with their backpack full of activities. Music is playing softly, a choir of men all lined up and ready to help us worship, everything so far seems about the same as what I know to be church. People are filing in and we are doing our best to fit in, not wanting to stick out like a sore thumb, like we are one of those people that show up for Easter and Christmas! But it didn't take long for the people around us to figure out that we were "first timers"!

A couple sat down beside us and lowered down what I thought was a foot rest. I politely said thank-you and got comfortable for just a second. Oh. You kneel on that, and it's for you pray on. Okay! Well my "cover" has been officially blown! I start to sweat and try not look nervous, telling myself it will get better once we start the singing. Singing I can do. I start to think of the old hymns I know and love, and picture my grandpa up at the front leading the congregation in song and praise, with the tap of his foot and the snap of his fingers to the beat. Grandma sitting in the pew upfront singing and harmonizing with a smile on her face and peace in her heart. Ahhhh....the comforts of church. I can do this!

The music starts and the overhead screens light up....here we go! Which one will we start with? Amazing Grace, The Old Rugged Cross? Nope. A tune I don't know and the words to go with it. Okay, I'll try and hum......that's not working either, how about I just listen and maybe catch the next one. The choir continues along with the piano, flute and drums, they sounded great. Sad that I couldn't sing along but happy to be with my family, and even more amused at my kids as they stared and tried their best to take in all the action. The music portion didn't last as long as what I was used to and the readings began.

The woman read her piece, the congregation replied, and again I was lost.

I lean over to Corey and ask, "We're supposed to talk back?"
"Yes."

Confused, I am looking for the script we are following, STILL trying my best to "look" like I know what I'm doing. Everyone does the sign of the cross. Darn. Missed that one too! The kids are busy with their stuff, Emma is coloring, Elise is playing with her Little People, we are standing and sitting and kneeling, and standing again. I am slowing getting the hang of the Catholic religion or so I thought. The Priest comes out and begins to speak. Again, the congregation replies where they should, crosses, stands and kneels. I decide to just be quiet and tend to the kids as they are now trying to talk to the people around them. I look up and then the Priest is gone. I lean over to Corey and ask where he went.

"He's doing a blessing."

Okay.

Looking for the priest, I still can't see him, but I can hear him. Elise is catching some words too and starts to repeat them. The Priest says, "The Son".

So Elise replies quite loud, "THE SON? WHERE THE SON? THERE NO SON MOMMY!"

I look down and whisper in her ear, "SShhhh, we're listening."

"NO! I NOT LISTENING!"

I try and ignore her and look around again for the" missing" Priest, as I look up I see this white flash go by our pew and a huge branch of what looked like a pine tree, then a splash of water right in my eye!

"What the He....?"

"Corey, What was that?" He politely ignores me and I finally get it.

"Oh, that was the blessing, right?"

"YEESSSS!", Sounded almost like a hiss from a cat, I think he was annoyed with my questions....hmmmm

Next came communion, that I am familiar with, just not in the same fashion, we quietly sit and wait for this portion to be done. The girls getting more and more restless. Elise asking everyone around if we can go home yet. As the service comes to an end the girls are racing to get their stuff back into the bag, and their coats on, we shake hands with the people around us, getting smiles and blessings, Emma says, "Are we DONE yet?"

"Just about, shhh..."

Making our way out, I breathe a sigh of relief, we did really well, the girls were good, no screaming or crying and again God didn't make the earth shake, so He was happy we went. Herb has a look of pure joy on his face and was proud . A member of the church told him that he had a beautiful family, which made him beam even harder.

"Well, that was different," I said.

"No, that was great," said Herb, "Thank-you for coming. Church is church, no matter where you go."

I thought about that, and yes, he's right. As long as we have the freedom to worship, then church is church and as long as we can come together as children of God, without prejudice, church is church.
I am happy to have had the experience, sorry that I didn't know the actions or words to say, but I know in the end it doesn't matter. Knowing where to rest your feet, stand, cross, sit, and speak would have been useful......but...... What matters is knowing God is where ever you are. He doesn't have to be in a building but in your heart, mind and spirit.

I hope that my ignorance of the Catholic religion will not be taken as disrespect, just a little comic relief! God has a sense of humour too, that much I know is universal in all types of religion!

Mom, I'm Bored!

I made it through my first Spring Break, I still have a full head of hair but a few more greys! It officially started 11 days ago, I mentally prepared myself for what was to come, but that mental preparedness did not last long. The words I knew I would hear at some point during the break came at 8:00 am the very first day..."Mooommmmm, I'm bored."(shiver) I took a deep breath, took another gulp of my coffee and pretended I did not hear her. "MOM! I said I'M B-O-R-E-D!" (shiver) I calmly put my coffee down, turned my head and smiled,
"Oh? Well maybe you should find something to do. You have a bedroom that is in need of cleaning, or your playroom could use a good once over too, you could color, you could read, you could go outside......."
"NO! I don't WANT to do that!"
"Well then I'm out of ideas, what would you like to do my dear sweet child?"
"UUMMMMMM....I know! Let's go to Disneyland!"
"I'm pretty sure that won't happen, so maybe do one of the suggestions I already gave you and let your mother wake up first, then we'll see what we can do." (keep smiling Catharine, it makes you sound happy, happy, happy!)
"UGH....F-I-N-E!" (11 more days to go, keep smiling Catharine, keep smiling!)
We managed to get in a lot of activities, a birthday party at Princess Palace, sleepover at Julie's one night, then sleepover at our place the next night, decorated eggs and also caught a movie at the theatre. And we still had Easter to get through!
We decided to get out of the house as a family on Good Friday. We went to Boston Pizza for lunch and that is where our kids just made us laugh out loud. While we are waiting for our meals our waitress is getting drinks for other tables, she has a tray full, and a look of determination on her face as she is headed to the next table. Emma decides that this is the right time to get her attention. Frantically waving she says, "EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!"
The waitress stops, almost losing her tray, and politely looks at Emma, "Yes, Sweetie?"
"UMMMM......Hi!" (giggle)
"Okay....Hi!" and off she goes looking at us to see if that is really all she wanted.
"Mom, Mom, I said hi to that lady!" (giggle)
"Yes, you sure did!"
Our meal comes, Elise is picking and eating, picking and eating, up on the chair, off the chair and under the chair. Something we are used to, as long as she isn't bugging anyone else we let her do her thing. From nowhere she stands on her chair backwards and yells across the room, "HEY! HEY! I DOOONNNNEEEE!" Our waitress did not hear her so when she didn't get a response Elise tries again, "HEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOO! I SAID, I DONE!"
I quickly tell her to turn around, and she says, "But Mommy.....I DONE!"
We made a quick departure.
Easter came and went, family dinners and an egg hunt, surprise birthday party for me, really busy but good. Too busy for our little Emma though. Sunday night she was full of tears over anything and everything! Just plain tired. I get it, so was I, but with only 1 day left of Spring Break I managed to not cry!
I honestly did not think that I was going to make it through the very last day. The girls were sick of each other, sick of the house, and sick of me. We fought all day long, and it seemed to drag on forever, I was never so relieved for bedtime! Once they were in bed I felt a little like a kid on Christmas Eve!
I woke up early, so excited to get back to the routine of our week! School, Tap, Ballet, lunches, Bring it on! I was so pumped about it that I forgot to put the coffee carafe back after pouring in the water to brew a pot and had coffee all over the counter! I cleaned it up, humming away as if it didn't even happen! Emma slept in of course,( everyday for Spring Break she was up early and today she gets up late, so typical)! Got her ready in record time, practically skipping her out the door! Elise gave her hugs and kisses and said "See you soon Emma! Hab a good day!"
With a sigh of relief as she walked into the school, I felt like my world was going to be back to normal. I pour myself another cup of coffee, sit down to check my email, and not 30 seconds after Elise comes around the corner, "MOMMY......I B-O-R-E-D!"(shiver) Awesome........God Bless Us All!

Hip Hop Dancer I am NOT.....But It's fun!

A friend asked me a couple of years ago to join the Adult Hip Hop class that is offered at our kids dance school. I blew it off the first year and then decided that THIS was the year to do it as part of my weight loss and self discovery journey I thought this would be the ultimate "out-of-the-box" experience for myself! I signed up, scared as all heck for the first few classes, waiting patiently for Lindsay to walk in and join me........yup she left me hangin'! I thought about quitting when I found out she couldn't do it this year due to conflicting schedules, or at least that's what she said (lol, kidding Lindsay!) but I had so much fun that I've stuck with it!

After Christmas break we started to learn our routine for the year end show.....(yes a show, where people from Tofield and our surrounding communities fill the bleachers at the arena, and watch....watch you move, trip, jiggle...I'll stop there, it's making me nervous already!) Our song is "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. We are a short 2 and half months away from this debut, well debut for me the others have done this before! I have put it out of my mind and as the days get closer I get more scared and nervous! But if my daughter can do it, so can I! Right? Right?........right.

The class is a lot of fun, Thursday nights are really the highlight of my week, it's 45 minutes of well deserved "me" time! Our teacher/owner of the dance school, Miss Niki, is so super talented, she can do everything and make it look "easy", she's funny, OMG really funny, patient....I could go on forever about her, (yes, she's one of THOSE!) LOL! She's never made us feel like we CAN'T do a move, she's very encouraging and laughs right along with us, or maybe at us, but I think WITH most of the time.

This week she has added two more members to the group because there were just three of us in the class. Here is Miss Niki's explanation......"So that you guys don't feel so alone out there on that BIG stage, I've invited two student teachers to join you!" Here is my interpretation......"You guys suck so hard that I have to put some talented bodies in the mix so that people will want to join next year!" Ha! (again, only kidding!)

We had our first class with both of them and they are great girls, young, talented super nice and they didn't point and laugh!!!!!
They are so good that they have pretty much mastered the routine in one class that has taken us 3 months! (I will not feel bad about myself, I will not feel bad about myself!) I look forward to the next couple of months of classes and getting the routine to look half decent, half decent because I'm white and there just isn't any denying it! And I pray that I have done enough so that my husband doesn't find a spot to hide under the bleachers while I'm on stage!

I will keep you posted as to how the show turned out, or you may just find us on YouTube! "All the Single Ladies.....All The Single Ladies ".....

A Hairy Discovery!

Today was a typical day of getting up, feeding the kids and preparing Emma's essentials for school. Got her ready, brushed her hair with only a few tears, washed her face and brushed her teeth. Walked her out to the alley, hugs and kisses and a wish for a great day! As I stood in the cold in my jammies and hoodie hair everywhere and the ever present morning breath, I lovingly waved to her as she entered the school doors and wondered how long I would be able to get away with my appearance in the morning while walking her to school. I chuckled thinking that I still have a few years left until she gets embarrassed by me! I raced back into the house through the snow in my sneakers and bare feet trying hard to avoid the monster of a "puppy" that wanted to play with me at that very moment. He jumped on me and I lost my footing, fell in the snow bank as he trampled all over me. Got up, looked around casually brushed myself off hoping that no one was around to witness that! Made it into the house and proceeded to finish my coffee, check my Facebook page and email. Made a few phone calls, and tried my best to avoid my date with my Jillian Michaels torture DVD's. Upon some helpful "pushing" of my good friend Karen I finally laced up my shoes, put on a bra, and pressed play.

Every minute sucked, but every minute I did it, I told myself I was that much closer to the end! It was finally over, and not without constant cursing on my part to my idol Jillian, good thing she can't hear me while the workout is going on! I willing let her kick my ass everyday in hopes that one day I will wake up and look a little bit like her. My goal is really to be able to do a jumping jack without feeling the wave of extra flab and fat from my head to my toes, you know you have a problem when you can feel the "jiggle" upon every bounce. It's bad enough that my boobs have sagged so much that they look like oranges in the bottom of a sock without the support of a bra, but when I go for some push ups, they sneak out of the cups to say "hello"! Brings a tear to my eye when I think about how lovely they used to be!

So after the torture session was done I hit the shower and it was there that I discovered a hair, ONE hair, on my shoulder that was very blonde and wiry and about 2 inches long! What the hell is that? I did not have the strength to pull it out, it was in there that deep! I found the tweezers and ripped that sucker right out! (Take that you pesky hair!) Then I thought it would be a good idea to look for more, I found another single hair about the same length and color on my cheek! Are you kidding me? YANK! Take THAT! I got a little closer in the mirror and lifted up my chin, and it was there that I discovered 5 more!!!!!!!! YANK (swear), YANK (swear), YANK (swear), YANK (swear), YANK(swear)! At that point Elise comes in and says, "Whatcha doin' Mommy!" I told her that I was learning what it is like to embrace my late 30's and realizing that I will NOT be looking forward to my 40's as this job won't be accomplished with tweezers alone! She said, "okay!" and away she went to play with her Little People.

Beating myself up daily to maintain my weight and gain strength is a part of life for me that I have come to accept, I don't like it, but I accept it. Finding new hairs on my body that don't belong there and in the strangest places is a part of life that I don't know if I can accept! On top of shaving my legs and armpits, waxing my eyebrows and "grooming" my "hoo ha" I now have to do a full body search for long blonde wiry hairs that have a mind of their own! Sheeesh! In my next life I am going to request coming back as a man!

Jusy Sayin'!

And so folks it has come down to this.....I must end my love affair with chocolate. I tried to let him down easy and only have a few nibbles here and there, but then it turned into out right session of shoveling pounds of it into my body. It's a New year and I hate to make resolutions that I can't keep, so we'll start it off right for a least a few days anyway. And I would also like to let you know that I am about to sever ties with my bathroom scale. I have tried to reason with him as well, but he keeps on showing me the wrong number when I step on. Another relationship I would like to end is the Wii Fit, if you have one you know what I'm talking about. All the snide remarks and comments about how long it's been since I worked out and how it thinks I gained 10 lbs over the last year is beginning to make me feel like we also have an unhealthy relationship! I think the scale and Wii Fit have decided to become a clique and I don't do well with cliques. So it's all about tough love people, get rid of the negative energy in your life and just tell them all where to go!

Now I will go and try to mend my relationship with salad and see if Jillian Michaels will take me back as a friend. She'll beat the crap out of me, but at least I know she means well!